Emotional intelligence is the capability to accurately identify and monitor your and other people’s feelings, as well as the ability to effectively manage your emotions.
You may know that general intelligence (IQ) can be important for success. But did you know that emotional intelligence (EQ) is equally, if not even more important?
Emotional intelligence is a key element of success in the workplace, as well as for happy and healthy relationships. Research shows that high EQ leads to better communication, effective conflict management, and empathy toward others. It also helps us connect with our feelings and live in tune with our true selves. It is, therefore, not surprising that emotional intelligence is essential for reaching personal and career goals and for building successful professional and personal relationships.
In a similar way IQ reflects how you process information, EQ refers to how you process emotions. However, EQ is much more flexible than IQ which means that it can be trained and improved.
The term emotional intelligence first appeared during the ’80s and was later popularized by psychologist and best-selling author Daniel Goleman. He suggested there are 5 elements of emotional intelligence. Each of these elements can be developed and improved, and the more you have them in check, the higher your EQ should be.
5 Important Elements of Emotional Intelligence
- Self-awareness – A critical part of emotional intelligence is being able to understand and monitor your own emotions. It also refers to the capability to recognize the relationship between your behaviours, motivations, and feelings. Being self-aware means you are in tune with your emotions and values and see yourself realistically. It also means you’re aware of how others perceive you and understand how your moods and emotions affect other people.
- Self-regulation – Another important part of emotional intelligence is being able to think before you act, to control your impulses and direct your emotions appropriately. This means you are flexible and able to modulate your feelings when facing change or stressful situations. Good self-regulation also refers to having integrity and taking responsibility for your actions.
- Motivation –People with high emotional intelligence are pretty good at motivating themselves without relying on external sources such as money or recognition. What drives them is a higher purpose, internal values that move them forward. They set goals that they see value in and combine inner drive and discipline to reach those goals. Correspondingly, they have the ability to motivate others.
- Empathy – The ability to put yourself in someone else’s shoes and act accordingly is a big part of emotional intelligence. When we recognize how others feel and approach them with something they can relate to, we are creating a connection. This plays an important role in building relationships, managing conflicts, motivating people or helping them see the bigger picture.
- Social skills – The capability to communicate well and find common ground with others is crucial for creating good, stable, and meaningful relationships. Crucial skills in this domain include, for example, active listening, verbal and non-verbal communication skills, leadership, and persuasiveness.
How Does Emotional Intelligence Look Like In Practice?
In everyday life, we can see emotional intelligence in someone’s sensitivity to the moods of others and the ability to grasp the point of view of other people or as readiness to see what is going on with them beneath the surface. High emotionally intelligent people can, for example, recognize that someone’s angry outbursts may come from the feeling of helplessness or fear. Thus, they can act accordingly instead of jumping into defense mode immediately. Similarly, emotional intelligence allows us to recognize emotions and motivations behind our own behaviours or behind some other emotions that may mask the real feelings. From there, high EQ helps us manage those feelings and direct them appropriately.
Some signs of high EQ:
✔️ You are able to stop and think before you act
✔️ You are able to objectively watch your thoughts
✔️ You show empathy and understanding for others
✔️ You recognize your mistakes and offer a genuine apology
✔️ You have a moment-to-moment connection with your emotional experience
✔️ You know your strengths and weaknesses, as well as your values
Emotional intelligence is about being open and ready to connect – with others and with yourself, practicing and balancing both is the key to raising your EQ.
Would you like to test your EQ and learn more about your personality characteristics? With our highly trained professionals, you can assess your Emotional Intelligence through Profile Evaluation System (PES) to get an extensive, well-rounded, and comprehensive description of different aspects of your personality, including your EQ.
So you’ve been slacking on your new year’s resolution; who hasn’t? The question now is: are you going to make the necessary changes to achieve your goals? Remember, a positive mindset is required with the ambition to do more. Here, we will work on the times when doubt creeps into your mind and you find yourself loosing your motivation, slacking again. So even as the snow thaws out and the flowers start to bloom, note if your new year’s resolutions are starting to dwindle in your mind. Let’s take this post to reflect on the reasons why we chose those goals and how we can stick to achieving them in the coming months.
How Do You Speak About your Goals?
Let’s first look at how you articulated our goals to others. Did you scream it from the rooftop after too much champagne? Or maybe you scribbled it in the sand before the tide came in? Either way, you found some way to tell others what your goals are for this year. But after that night, did you write them out somewhere? A place you know you would read them? Because something as simple as writing on a blank page and posting it on the wall can go a long way toward helping you reach that goal, one day at a time.
Another effective method, that puts more accountability on your actions, is using an agenda. Did you reach your milestones in the time you allotted yourself?
Whichever method you decide to use, just make sure you stay aware of both: where you want to be and when you want to be there. Try to repeat the goal over and over to yourself, take the time to listen to what you are saying. This technique can up your stakes on your goals, by helping you dig deep and finding the real motivators behind them.
How to Motivate Yourself
Visualizing what you want to accomplish is important for motivation. Did you want to exercise to fit into those skinny jeans? Or did you want to give your doctor less concern about cholesterol levels? Take a few days to really listen to what the foundation is for your goals. Something you can do to help determine motivation is weighing the pros and cons of your thought process on making these changes: What am I gaining? What am I avoiding?
Motivating factors can be described as:
1 Fear: “If you don’t do the dishes you’re not going out tonight!”
2 Incentive: “If you meet your sales quota this month you’ll get a $1000 bonus on your paycheck”
3 Intrinsic (attitude/internal): “I complete this 5km run because doing so gives me a sense of accomplishment – and I know it’s good for my physical and mental health.”
By now you should start getting a clearer picture of where your goals are being formulated. Have you found something you’re passionate about? Is there something you know you have been putting off for years? Use this awareness to embracing your purpose for this year. I am not trying to make you uncomfortable by overwhelming you with an overarching reason for your actions, but rather trying to draw out some accountability about how you act towards your goal. As these actions are rooted in how your goals are presented to you, both internally and externally.
Internal (intrinsic) vs. External (extrinsic) Motivation:
● Internal motivation comes from the fulfillment of self-gratification
● External motivation comes from outside the learner in the forms of tangible rewards and punishments such as competition, grades, awards, promotion, pay, etc.
Where to begin?
If you’d like to inquire about goal setting and motivation treatment and help in Mississauga or Bradford Ontario at Real Life Counselling, don’t hesitate to call us at 289-231-8479.
Taylor, J. (2013). Personal Growth: Motivation: The Drive to Change. Psychology Today. Retrieved from: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-power-prime/201201/personal-growth-motivation-the-drive-change
N.A. (2013) NALD: BDAA. Canada’s Literacy and Essential Skills Network. Retrieved from: www.nald.ca/adultlearningcourse/glossary.htm
Ham, V., Davey, R., Fenaughty, J. (2013). Proceedings from the 16th International Conference on Thinking (ICOT). International Conference on Thinking. Retrieved from: http://icot2013.core-ed.org/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/Proceedings-ICOT-2013.pdf#page=181
“Wisdom comes from the experience of living. To travel the road of wisdom requires knowledge of ourselves and others…in love and hatred, in joy and sorrow, in victory and defeat. To experience life, and to know its truth, this is wisdom.”
– Best of Success
Here is a little task: imagine a wise person. How does that person look like? What traits does he or she have? Do you, like the majority of people, imagine an old, white-haired person with extremely wide knowledge and experience, and with untouchable calmness, both in their body language and their words. However, this is a stereotype. There is much more in wisdom than plain knowledge and experience. Having experience does not guarantee someone will be wise, and knowing many facts doesn’t either.
What is Wisdom?
Psychologists tend to agree that wisdom involves an integration of knowledge and experience, as mentioned above. But, the secret ingredient is the deep understanding of life circumstances in general and the way certain things are happening. Wise people generally share an optimism that life’s problems can be solved. Also, they are calm in facing difficult decisions, because they are able to see the big picture.
Learn more about wisdom here: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-athletes-way/201606/what-is-wisdom-wise-reasoning-has-three-specific-facets
Do you have any wise persons in your life? Moreover, what can you learn from them?
So you made some New Year’s resolutions. This time you’ll save more money, or lose weight, or drink more water, or not stress so much or… whatever decision you made to improve your life. You are so determined to stick to them, because THIS time, you won’t quit; you’ll make it. This time is different! And, after a few weeks, you start slacking until, little by little, you give up and go back to your old habits. Does this scenario sound familiar?
If you gave up on your New Year’s resolutions don’t feel bad. Research found that 80% of people fail to stick to their New Year’s resolutions for more than about a month and a half. But why are we so bad at it? It’s because we’re all human, and we all struggle with doing what we should do vs. doing what we enjoy doing. Moreover, we easily fall into “False Hope Syndrome”. In other words, we often underestimate the likely speed, amount, ease and consequences of changing our behavior. Finally, overthinking is maybe #1 enemy to sticking to your resolutions.
So, instead of falling into the same trap again, it’s time to start the year off right. You need the real plan of action; not just the plain “decision” that’s nothing more than a wish. Call today 289-231-8479 to book your appointment and create your own life plan.
We are inundated with information on a daily basis. Our five senses: sight, sound, taste, smell, and touch are frequently stimulated. The process of sensation and perception work hard. Grossberg, S. (2010) explains that we experience the world as a whole. Although we do have much to interpret in terms of incoming information, we somehow integrate this into unified moments of conscious experience that cohere together. Because of the apparent unity and coherence of our awareness, we can develop a sense of self. As a result, over time, it gradually matures with our experiences of the world. This capacity lies at the heart of our ability to function as intelligent beings.
Alright, but how does sensation and perception tie into personal development? Moreover, what is personal development? However, is it possible to become overwhelmed with information and lose sight of what you’re really trying to achieve? In other words, can our senses get lost in the 6-foot waves the sea of life can create? I suggest sailing with personal/professional development locked in your GPS.
But back to the question – how do you define personal development?
Understanding Personal Development
Shortland, S. (2010) provides a brief distinction between training and development.
“For example, training typically involves short-term methods for skills acquisition, while competency development involves understanding and promulgating appropriate behaviours in particular settings (Roberts, 2005)… ‘Development’ provides a broader context implying a longer-term and ongoing (Paechter, 1996) approach. It may refer to professional (work environment) and/or personal development in a lifelong learning context (Nicholls, 2000). Further, it is typically carried out in a structured manner via continuous review, evaluation, planning and implementation (D’Andrea & Gosling, 2001). Thus, individuals form their own personal judgements and take responsibility for them over the long term” (Shortland, S., 2010).
But what does all of this mean? Let me ask you: what does it mean to you? How often do you take the time to filter information coming in, allowing yourself to selectively choose what can influence you? Moreover, have you ever had the courage to look within and link your life to your attitudes and behaviours? Are you able to identify at least 1 area you could tweak? The American Society for Training and Development released that $126 Billion was spent on Employee Learning and Development in 2009; are and should YOU be part of the success story?
Challenge your emotions. Raise your success. Accept only the best for your life. Start today, and stop giving yourself excuses.
Stay tuned for Part 2 on The Process of Development.
Grossberg, S.(2010). Causality, Meaningful Complexity and Embodied Cognition. (1st ed.). New York (NY): Springer.
Shortland, S.(2010). Feedback within peer observation: continuing professional development and unexpected consequences. Innovations in Education and Teaching International, 47(3), 295-304.
 Conveniently enough, LMI Canada Inc. has their own GPS; Goal Planning Sheets in their suite of tools.
Do you feel overwhelmed with work? Are you constantly tired and under stress? Your boss is calling you to ask just one more question about the meeting, you’re checking your e-mails on the evenings and you can’t seem to get that huge workload out of your head? Well, you’re not alone. Many young people feel exactly like this in the 21st century. As a matter of fact, a new study shows that Canadians are feeling lower levels of satisfaction with their work-life balance in comparison with eight years ago. This is the same period in which smartphones and internet became inevitable parts of our everyday lives. Coincidence? Didn’t think so.
But let me ask you one uncomfortable question: until when are you planning to go on like this? Can you imagine yourself in 5 years feeling the same? If your answer is “Oh, hell no!”, then it’s time to reevaluate priorities and make some changes.
What Is a Work-Life Balance and How to Maintain It
Greenhaus (2002) defines work-life balance as “satisfaction and good functioning at work and at home with a minimum of role conflict”. However, the expansion of technology brought pressure for us to be available in any moment of the day. This makes your roles in the workplace and at home hard to strictly separate, creating the conflict between them. In other words, technology is making it difficult for us to unplug and separate work from home. Further, our private life is suffering, and we’re feeling stressed and unhappy. Eventually, it takes a toll on your physical and mental health.
So, how to make the balance? Is there a way to be successful and maintain a fulfilling career while having enough quality time for friends, family, partner, hobbies and yourself? Yes, there is. Forbes published 6 tips for successfully creating the work-life balance that’s right for you:
1. Let go of perfectionism – perfectionism was useful when we were kids, because it helped us stay on top of our obligations and get good grades. However, as you grow up, life becomes much more complicated, and in these circumstances, making everything perfect is often impossible. It’s the habit that works against you; the soon you learn to let it go, the better. This, of course, doesn’t mean to get sloppy and to stop caring about the way you do your job; it just means that you should strive for greatness, but not for perfection.
2. Unplug – Turn off your devices! Every time you jump to respond to that e-mail or the phone call from work while you’re at home, you’re sending the message to your brain that what’s happening at work while you’re not there is extremely important and that something catastrophic can happen if you don’t answer. But that’s irrational belief; if you stop for a second to think about it, you’ll realize it. But every time you decide to turn off your smartphone and make yourself unavailable for the next few hours, you’re sending yourself the message that your well-being and maintaining your relationships are valuable. Eventually, you’ll feel more in control of your time and your life.
3. Exercise and Meditate – Working out and sitting in silence are two incredibly powerful methods of taking control of your thoughts. If your mind is constantly shifting towards your work, practicing mindful meditation can do wonders for training yourself to stay in the moment and enjoy it. Further, exercise is proven to boost your mood; it’s an instant fix against feeling stressed or overwhelmed. If exercise and meditation don’t give you the desired effects that you were after, then don’t hesitate in trying an alternative method.
4. Limit Time-Wasting Activities and People – How many times have you caught yourself endlessly scrolling through social media, and feeling miserable after that? Or you said ‘yes’ to hanging out with people who are drowning your energy? Identify the bad habits you have that are swallowing your quality time and try to eliminate them. Next, make a list of priorities – what are the things you enjoy the most? Then devote your quality time to high-priority people and activities on your list.
5. Change the structure of your life – If there’s something that cuts your precious time, try to reorganize things a little. You don’t have to do everything by yourself; this is the perfect opportunity to soften the grip around the need to control everything and delegate part of your obligations to someone else. This way, you’ll make room for your higher priorities.
6. Start Small. Build From There. – Don’t put too high expectations in front of yourself. Start one thing at a time; and reward yourself for every small step you take toward your goal. Why don’t you start with this list? Trying to accomplish everything at once and create a work-life balance in a short period of time would be impossible, and you would soon end up frustrated and disappointed. So, one step at a time. Moving slowly is completely alright.
Be gentle with yourself, you’re doing great. Take care.
As we’re rolling to the new year, I have one very important advice for you: Don’t do new years resolutions!
Goal setting is a daily, weekly, monthly habit, not just for the 1st of January.
Have a spectacular 2010!!