searching for your passion

Why Searching for Your Passion Is Not a Good Idea

“Do what you love and you’ll never work a day in your life!” the clichéd saying goes. However, is it really true?

There is a widespread notion in our society that following your passion is the key to a fulfilled and happy life. Well, it turns out this kind of belief is not only a myth but can be very limiting and even dysfunctional.

Your Idea about What Passion is is Probably Wrong

If someone would ask you what your passion is, what would you say? What are you wholeheartedly passionate about? *tick-tock* *tick-tock*…

The truth is, this question is triggering! The majority of people feel pressured to come up with a good answer, and if they don’t, they feel like something is wrong with them. Considering everything society and media constantly feed us, that’s no surprise. We’ve been told that finding our true passion is a secret to a purposeful and joyful life, and if we don’t discover what it is, well… we’re destined to misery. But that’s completely wrong. Actually, the whole concept of passion you can often see in many self-help books, motivational speeches, movies, magazines, and other sources is inaccurate.

The thing with passion is that it’s not something you do; passion is something you feel.

Passion is a full force of your attention and energy that you give to whatever is right in front of you.

– Terri Trespicio

Passion is a feeling you find within yourself.

Yes, it’s true that with some things we’re able to find this feeling more easily than with some others. Cooking or writing can be extremely joyful while doing paperwork in the office can be painfully boring. However, it’s not paperwork itself that makes you feel bored; it’s the way you look at it. If you approach it with curiosity and shift your attention on finding interesting things in paperwork, it becomes so much more enjoyable. Actually, if you focus on becoming better at paperwork over time, it may lead you to becoming passionate about it in the end. That’s because passion is not a destination; it’s developing over time and through life experiences.

find love in what you do

Looking for One and Only Passion = Fixed Mindset and Limited Experiences

One research found that, compared to people who see passion as a developing feeling through activity, individuals who believe people have a relatively fixed passion that just waits to be discovered have a tendency to quit more often when things become difficult or less interesting. That’s because they believe that, when you’re passionate about something, it becomes a boundless source of motivation and, as already mentioned, “you won’t have to work a day in your life anymore”. But that is not true; in any job, even the best one, there are certain things that are not so pleasant or fun. So, when things become difficult, and they will with anything you do at one point, a belief that it must mean “it’s not your true passion” gives you an easy way out.

As the authors of the research say: “Urging people to find their passion may lead them to put all their eggs in one basket but then to drop that basket when it becomes difficult to carry”.

Really, being obsessed with finding your passion can limit your experiences and prevent you from exploring some areas you might be really good at. Moreover, if you believe that once you find your passion it will all be sunshine and rainbows and that you’ll feel motivated all the time, it will almost certainly lead to disappointment after disappointment.

 

Instead of searching for your passion, be passionate!

All this, of course, doesn’t mean that if you know exactly what you’re passionate about, and you’re pursuing it, something is not right. No, if you’re happy with what you do, that’s awesome! That inner sense of excitement is something many people are searching for, and you’ve found it – we’re glad for you! J

For those of you with panical inner screaming: “I don’t know what I’m passionate about!”, know that it’s okay. Nothing is wrong with you. It’s great you don’t know, actually – that gives you the opportunity to explore and see how you can develop your passion. If something you do, let’s say a new job, doesn’t click right away – give it time. Try to become better at it and approach it with an inner sense of enthusiasm and interest.

Pursue your whole life with passion. Give special attention to everyday things, from paying your bills to doing your laundry or working out. Become fascinated by little, ordinary things that surround you. That, and not one special thing that you’re trying to discover, will make for an enjoyable and freeing life you strive for.

stop searching for your passion

Sources:

http://gregorywalton-stanford.weebly.com/uploads/4/9/4/4/49448111/okeefedweckwalton_2018.pdf

https://www.forbes.com/sites/tamiforman/2018/02/14/havent-found-your-passion-stop-worrying-and-do-this-instead/#41f1b3ff1908

 

holiday depression

When December Becomes Blue: Coping With Holiday Depression

Holidays are here! Yay…? While everyone around you seems joyful and excited, you’re maybe wondering why you’re feeling so blue.

If you’re feeling depressed or anxious during this time of the year, you’re definitely not alone. In fact, holiday season triggers feelings of sadness, irritability, loneliness, grief, depression, anxiety, and a bunch of other unpleasant emotions for more people than you think.

For some of us, holidays bring pleasant memories. For others, on the other hand, holidays have that sneaky nature of bringing some painful memories to the surface. Add financial pressure, tight deadlines, social obligations, or meeting with family members that you know will say or do something that stresses you out… Now it’s not so surprising that you’re not all that cheerful and excited for holidays, is it? However, there are ways to turn things around and feel different than this.

So, let’s try to make it a little easier this year. Here are 4 strategies for handling this end-of-the-year situation and coping with holiday depression:

*** 1. Let yourself feel. ***

Suppressing emotions is a road to depression. Emotional avoidance is one of the main causes of not only depression, but a wide range of psychological problems. Don’t be afraid of your feelings – they are already there in you. If you’re trying to avoid grief, loneliness, sadness or any other unpleasant emotion because you think it’s intolerable or dangerous or inappropriate, you’ll soon feel anxious about such emotion arising. Before you know it, you’ll invest so much energy in trying to suppress unpleasant feelings surfacing, that it will drain all your energy and become a negative experience itself.

It’s OK to cry and feel sad or lonely. Give yourself some time to sit with your painful feelings and to accept them. Acceptance can feel relieving – it means you don’t have to spend a tremendous amount of energy anymore on pushing your feelings away. So, let yourself feel.  THEN, and don’t forget this step, do something nice for yourself and socialize.

*** 2. Create new traditions. ***

Putting on a brave face for others can be especially difficult when the world is blasting us with images of group hugs and the memory of your final hug with someone you love is all that you can think about.

– Suzanne Deges-White, Ph.D., Psychology Today

Holidays have a way of opening old wounds that we may try to forget about during the year. Also, sometimes, there is pressure to perform rituals and traditions that we may not necessarily feel connected to or comfortable doing. Some people even feel that, by changing the same old holiday traditions, they will somehow betray their loved ones who are no longer with them.

Instead of focusing on what once was, why don’t you try and create a new tradition? There are no hard rules on how your holiday should look like. It’s completely OK to get creative and do something out of the ordinary. This doesn’t mean you have to erase all the rituals that were once a part of your holidays; instead, you can reinvent them in a way that feels fun and comfortable for you and your loved ones, or even create a special new ritual that honors the person that is no longer there. Starting a new tradition can help create fresh memories of holidays, no longer overshadowed by the past.

*** 3. Keep Your Expectations in Check ***

These days, fairy-tailish photos and videos of happy people enjoying the holidays with their loved ones seem to be everywhere. Movies, TV shows and social media set great expectations of how this time of the year “should” feel. What is important to have in mind is that reality is often different.

Everyone have their own version of the perfect holiday. However, when reality doesn’t live up to the dream, stress and disappointment kick in. It’s nice to have a plan on how you’d like to spend your holidays, including details about people, decoration, food, gifts, etc. It’s a whole another story if everything MUST be the way you planned it. Instead of losing your mind over a burnt tray of cookies or your cousin being late to the family gathering again, stop for a moment and change your perspective. Look at these missteps as opportunities to exercise your resilience and flexibility.

When you throw away all “musts” and “shoulds”, you’ll view things more realistically, and remove the pressure that’s causing you stress and negativity. Set your expectations aside and remind yourself to enjoy the moment.

*** 4. Go Outside and Give. ***

Whatever you do, it’s best not to withdraw yourself completely from social activities and holiday festivities. Isolation will almost certainly make holiday blues worse. Even when you’re in the midst of grief, you still have something to offer the world. If you feel lonely, or like you don’t have anybody to spend holidays with, it doesn’t mean you have to stay alone. There are people out there that will enjoy your company much more than you think. So, get outside and do what you can to make their (and your) holidays more pleasant and less lonely. Kindness is such an incredible tool to combat sadness – yours or other peoples’.

Donate gifts to families in need, serve meals at a soup kitchen, or volunteer to help people at a nursing home or homeless shelter or wherever it’s possible in your city. Go outside and explore what new nice things holidays have for you.

And for the end, the most important thing of all: don’t be afraid to ask for help when you’re struggling with the holidays. Reminding loved ones that you’re having a rough time may be enough, but you also may want to reach out for more support. There is a difference between holiday blues, which lasts only around the holiday time, and more severe depression. If the holiday season passes and you still feel the same, it’s best to consult a professional.

We know you got this.

Enjoy the holidays 🙂

 

Sources:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/insight-therapy/201009/emotional-acceptance-why-feeling-bad-is-good

https://medicalxpress.com/news/2017-12-psychiatrists-holiday-blues.html

https://www.apa.org/helpcenter/holiday-stress-managing-expectations.aspx

 

 

 

worrying about what other people think of you

Stop Worrying About What People Think of You All the Time by Changing Your Perspective

“I’d like to do that, but what would they think of me?!”

“OMG this is so embarrassing.”

“I know I shouldn’t care about what other people think and I would love to stop but I just can’t.”

 

 

Bet you’ve had some of the above thoughts at least once in your life.

The majority of people have the need to fit in and connect to others – it’s one of the basic human needs.

In fact, from the evolutionary perspective, making sure to gain social acceptance was the most important thing for your great great great ancestors to survive. In those times, living alone in the wilderness was equal to, well, being dead very soon. Therefore, social acceptance and being a part of the tribe was everything! However, times have dramatically changed, and, fast forward 10,000 years to today, our survival no longer depends on the judgment of others. Still, we’re left with this pretty annoying habit of worrying about what other people think of us in the world where the concept of social survival doesn’t exist anymore.

So, what do we do with it now?

First of all, being aware of how others perceive us can be useful for us but – and this is the key – in moderation. Being insensitive of other people’s opinions is not helpful – it can get you in trouble and harm your meaningful relationships. If you care about what your boss or your family or close friends think of you, it can help you be a better friend, relative, employee. You’ll be kinder, gentler, and probably happier in general.

Unless you care too much.

Sometimes we can spend a large portion of time and energy worrying about being socially judged, and that’s the point where healthy awareness becomes a source of stress and anxiety. It can hold you back from making changes in life or doing things you love because of the fear of how it will look. In the end, it can prevent you from showing the world the real you. And that’s a pity, because we’re all unique, and the world deserves to see you as you really are. And you deserve it too.

So, if you decided to take control over your fear of being socially judged and over time and energy you invest in it, here are two new ways you can look at it:

Perspective 1: People don’t think about you as much as you think

Studies show that we constantly overestimate how much other people think about us and how harshly they judge us. In reality, although it’s not always visible, the majority of people is far more focused and worried about how they’ll appear to others, including you.

When you have this in mind, it changes your perspective on social situations. If you’re aware that people are often concerned about how they’ll be perceived as much as you are, you can shift your focus from worry to kindness. Instead of being self-conscious all the time, help others feel appreciated and valued and make social situations easier for them. It will make you both feel better.

Perspective 2: Caring what other people think of you should depend on the nature of your relationship

You probably heard before that you shouldn’t care what others think. Well, that’s true… and also not.

How much you care about others’ opinions should depend on the nature of your relationship. As mentioned above, paying attention to the views of close family and friends is good for both sides. It leads to greater satisfaction with the relationship and works toward keeping that relationship in a good place. As long as your decisions are influenced by your own judgment and not by the fear of how your close ones will react, everything is good.

On the other hand, opinions of people you encounter on the street or in the public transport should not matter at all.

That’s right – none.

Worrying about what acquaintances or people who you probably won’t see again think of you is not that useful. It can prevent you from speaking your opinion, looking how you want to look, or doing things you enjoy in public, like singing or reading a book while sitting alone in a café.

The only remedy for this is practice – express yourself in small steps. Do things you’d like to do that don’t harm anyone, but you’re too embarrassed of doing. It’s going to be uncomfortable at first, but step by step, it will become easier. Ultimately, you’ll feel freer and more confident.

Try it!

Wear that weird hat you love so much. Say your political opinion (politely) even when you know the person who you’re speaking with doesn’t agree. Dance to that amazing song street musician is playing.

It doesn’t matter if they’ll approve or not. What matters is what you’ll slowly find out, and that is that other people’s opinions can’t harm you. Also, it will surprise you how many people will accept you as you are, in spite of all flaws you try to hide so badly.

What’s the smallest step you’re ready to take right now?

 

Sources:

http://psycnet.apa.org/record/2001-07168-004

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fighting-fear/201306/caring-what-other-people-think

loving your body

Guest Blog: How Yoga Can Help You Embrace Your Body As It Is

Imagine how life would be if you loved the way you looked? Yes, including all those beautiful imperfections. Instead of wanting to change that certain part you dislike about your body, what if you came to completely accept it? What if loving your body became natural for you?

Living in a social media driven world, what’s online may make one feel anything but empowered and self-assured. Unfortunately, media has led us to believe that if we look a certain way, our lives will magically become perfect.

We get it, feeling confident in the modern world may not be easy but it’s totally possible. There are many women out there who love their bodies – and they’re all in different shapes and sizes.

Loving your body completely simply boils down to respecting yourself and accepting how you look. Using yoga as a tool, we assure you that the journey to this place is going to be an incredibly joyous one, and we will explain how in this guide.

Asana in yoga helps you reconnect with your body

Asana, or yoga postures, allow you to connect with your body via breath and movement.

Postures in yoga allow us to separate different aspects of our body, comprehend their functioning and understand how these areas work together.

If you’ve suffered from negative body image at any point of your life, you’re probably aware that it largely involves avoiding and isolating oneself from aspects of the body that induce feelings of shame and self-loathing.

Yoga helps you extricate yourself from this escalating form of neglect by encouraging you to listen to your body. To perform any yoga posture, you have to acknowledge each part of your body and understand how it prefers to move.

 

Pranayama promotes peace of mind

Yoga comprises of two main parts: breath (pranayama) and posture (asana). Pranayama, or more specifically, Ujjayi, is a specific style of breath in yoga. It develops heat in the body while stimulating rest and the feeling of peace.

Ujjayi is a deep and potent type of breath that fires up the lungs and throat. While this may sound counterintuitive in promoting rest, one of the main purposes of Ujjayi is to relax the body. It is a long, smooth breath created by lengthening your inhale and exhale.

A longer breath signals your body to relax. Taking some time to rewind is a great way of promoting self-love.

Yoga is an excellent stress-reliever. A 2005 German study indicated that women who described themselves as “emotionally distressed” showed significant improvement in their mood and overall sense of well-being after being treated with 90 minutes of yoga per week for 3 months. Well-being scores improved by 65%, and depression and anxiety scores improved by 50% and 30% respectively. Complaints regarding back pain, poor sleep and headaches had also been resolved.

 

Yoga encourages positivity

One of the key aspects of yoga is performing mantras. Contrary to popular belief, mantras are quite simple and can help you during meditation. They’re simply words or phrases, each with different purposes, such as helping you overcome challenges and showing gratitude.

Repeating mantras is a great way to understand the power of a positive mind. When you repeat a mantra every day, you start believing that it is true. With each passing day, the mantra and your belief in it become stronger.

“I love myself. I am beautiful, intelligent and unique.”

You don’t have to limit yourself to traditional mantras. You can even create your own. A mantra (such as the one above) that holds meaning in your heart and resonates deep within you can be easily brought to life by you. You are the creator of your positivity.

 

You’re always amazed

Just a few weeks of yoga is enough to fascinate anyone. You’ll be surprised to know that it is not the yogic postures, but watching what your body is capable of that will amaze you.

With time and practice, you become capable of moving your body in ways you never even imagined. With time, you’ll be able to effortlessly stand on one foot, wrap your arms and legs into an eagle, and even balance your whole body-weight on your arms.

Whether you’re performing an advanced posture or you’re in the process of deepening one, you’ll understand that your body is strong, flexible, and incredibly beautiful.

 

You’re grateful

Even though some magazine covers may make you think otherwise, yoga is for everyone. Yoga is a beautiful journey where you can witness your body’s full potential and truly appreciate what it can do.

In most cases, people never discover their body in their optimal strength, balance, and flexibility. Yoga is an invigorating experience which can make you feel like a warrior every day. Once you discover this strength within you, it’s hard not to feel grateful for the body that gives you so much.

 

Yoga creates communities of love

Yoga retreats, classes, and online platforms bring in several like-minded people, helping in creating a strong and supportive community. Practicing Yoga is not only fun, but it is empowering.

People join yoga classes for a variety of reasons. While some join it for physical reasons such as toning up and building flexibility, others join it to relax their bodies. Whatever your reason may be, you’ll soon realize that yoga brings about another essential outcome: feeling comfortable in your skin.

Almost anyone who joins yoga wants to learn to love his or her own body. Yoga creates a space where everyone, at the same time, is thinking about their connection with their bodies.

When you join your first yoga class, be sure to introduce yourself to someone and ask them what brought them to it. Listen to their response and share your reason as well.

 

meera wattsAuthor Bio: Meera Watts is a yoga teacher, entrepreneur and mom. Her writing on yoga and holistic health has appeared in Elephant Journal, Yoganonymous, OMtimes and others. She’s also the founder and owner of Siddhi Yoga International.

Website: https://www.siddhiyoga.com/
Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/user/siddhiyogaacademy
Instagram: https://instagram.com/siddhiyogainternational
Pinterest: https://pinterest.com/siddhiyogainter
Twitter: https://twitter.com/meerawatts
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/meerawatts
FB Page: https://www.facebook.com/siddhiyogateachertraining

 

References

Brown RP, Gerbarg PL. Sudarshan Kriya Yogic Breathing in the Treatment of Stress, Anxiety, and Depression: Part I — Neurophysiologic Model. J Altern Complement Med. 2005;1:189–201.

Catherine Woodyard. Int J Yoga. 2011 Jul-DecExploring the therapeutic effects of yoga and its ability to increase quality of life.

Collins C. Yoga: Intuition, preventive medicine, and treatment. J Obstet Gynecol Neonatal Nurs. 1998;27:563–8

McCall T. New York: Bantam Dell a division of Random House Inc; 2007. Yoga as Medicine.

Dealing with Dating Burnout in 5 Steps

“I’m done with dating. No, really! I don’t see the point of it anymore”

Is this something you have thought of or said aloud recently? You’re not the only one. Dating isn’t always as fun as it’s made to sound. It’s a lot of time and effort put together. You spend hours of your precious time and energy on finding someone you’re interested in. It is followed by working hard on making yourself presentable and then taking the time to get to know that person. Most of the time, if not all, it turns out to be a dead-end and with that emerges dating burnout. We sometimes get to a point in our dating lives where our mentality is all over the place and we no longer know what to do. When this happens, we might need top level advice to help us get through our slump. Rick Reynolds, founder of Reignite The Fire, aims to help people change their dating mindset and improve their luck in the dating scene. It might be a good idea to take a look at Rick’s website if you feel that you’re suffering from dating burnout.

Signs of dating burnout

1) It isn’t fun anymore. What started off as fun initially is not so anymore. The dressing up, the conversation to get to know the other or the texting that comes after the date has lost its appeal for you.

2) You have had one bad date after another in a series. Your date was obsessed with his/ her phone, had weird habits, was drunk or could not get the conversation going, whatever the reason; it just hasn’t worked out in the last few dates.

3) You have been complaining about it for a long time. Your friends, family and even your dog are tired of listening to you complain about the horrible dates you have been on. You’ve gone overboard and maybe a friend has not-so-politely cut you off letting you know you’ve been talking about hating the dating scene for a tad too long now.

4) You get sarcastic and even rude on dates. Some people love sarcasm, I get that. But do you think you are getting more defensive, sarcastic and even hostile on your dates lately?

5) Dating = exhaustion. The mere mention of dating puts you off and you feel terribly exhausted thinking about going down that road again.

If you fit the bill and are experiencing dating burnout, what should you do to get yourself back on track?

1) Take a break

This is the first thing you need to do once you realize you are experiencing dating burnout. You need to leave the scene and mix things up a bit before bouncing back. Taking a break would ensure you take the pressure off yourself. Take the time to be around people you like and enroll in that hobby class you have been thinking about. Getting off the dating cycle leaves you with plenty of time to indulge in yourself. Take advantage and have a life again. Dating comes with a lot of pressure. It’s often when the pressure is off and you’re going about your life that you find someone you’ve been looking for. Once you’ve had your break then it’s best to come back into the dating scene by trying something new. This gives new excitement to it so try something like speed dating ( get more info here) or get yourself set up on a blind date.

2) Assess what’s going wrong

Once you have taken a break from dating and are feeling good about yourself, revisit the past. Look at where you’re coming from and how it’s affecting your present. Do you harbour unresolved issues from your past relationships? Are you really ready to move on? Are you trying to find your ex in all your dates? If you think your ex may be holding you back, it’s important to close that chapter of your life before moving on.

How do your expectations from your date look like? Are you going overboard in wanting someone who’s good-looking, rich, sensitive, charming and funny all in one? Well, that might be a bit unrealistic, don’t you think? Chart it out. List down your priorities in order. Think of the bigger picture and what is it that you want at the end of the day? Too many expectations and running after an elusive perfection may spell doom for your dating life.

Do you find yourself in difficult relationships which have a common theme? Are your partners all unavailable, committed, need to be taken care of, or take undue advantage of you? If you seem to be choosing a wrong partner all the time, you need to assess what is going wrong in the dating phase itself and set it right.

How do you feel about yourself? Do you take hours getting ready for a date? Do you feel you don’t look good enough? How you feel about yourself reflects in how you present yourself and that may be a reason for dating being unsatisfying for you. You need to be confident and feel secure about yourself. When you are content being who you are, you will start attracting the right people.

3) Laugh it off

Humor helps in almost all situations. Do you think these bad dates would matter a year from now? Five years from now? I bet you’ll be sitting with the love of your life telling him/her about these misfortunate dates from your past and having a good laugh over it. Tuck it in for a funny memory down the line. Laugh it off.

4) Don’t take it out on yourself

Your last four dates didn’t work out. Big deal! Don’t fall into the trap and feel like the biggest loser on earth. You aren’t. There is nothing wrong with you and no, you aren’t doomed to be single for the rest of your life. Haven’t you heard that slow and steady wins the race? Or how about, patience is the best virtue? You’ll get there. Don’t put yourself down.

5) Don’t lose hope

Dating burnout leads to the feeling that there’s no one out there for you. Believe me, when I say, nothing could be further from the truth. Set your sights right. Get back from the dating break. The love of your life is out there and you will find him/her.

Who knows, maybe your perfect match is just a click away?

Is There A Narcissist In Your Life?

 

‘He is a narcissist. He can only think about himself all the time.’

 

Narcissism has grown into becoming a commonly thrown across word these days. But what does it mean and who is a narcissist? The word took its origin in Greek mythology where a character named Narcissus fell in love with his own image that he saw reflected in a sea. Thereon, it has come to signify self-love, selfishness, and arrogance. However, narcissism has many shades from an extra healthy ego to a pathological grandiosity.

 

Who is a Narcissist?

The unhealthy end of the narcissistic spectrum can be characterized by-

  • A grandiose sense of self-importance
  • Preoccupations with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty or ideal love
  • A belief that he/she is special and unique and only other special or high-status people or associations can understand them
  • Requires excessive admiration
  • Has a sense of entitlement
  • Is interpersonally exploitative
  • Lacks empathy
  • If often envious of others or believes others are envious of him/her
  • Shows arrogant behaviors or attitudes

 

How to identify a narcissist in your life?

  • He/she would be the one basking in the center of attention. Narcissists dominate conversations. They love to talk about themselves and exaggerate their accomplishments. They embellish their stories in order to impress their audience.
  • Narcissists offer unsolicited advice all the time. They seize opportunities to demonstrate their superior knowledge.
  • He/she can’t wait in line and hates it when someone doesn’t pick up their phone. They believe they deserve special treatment and want their needs to be fulfilled immediately. They live life with a sense of entitlement and expect the world to revolve around them.
  • Narcissists have high ambitions. However, instead of working hard to get there, they believe they are destined for greatness. Narcissists believe they are naturally special and deserve only the best. They obsess over status symbols and belittle others who don’t quite fit in.
  • These persons are charming till the time you keep the praise and appreciation flowing. But as soon as you criticize them, the relationship is over.
  •  Narcissists are competitive. They need to win everywhere, be it in a video game, office or a lottery. Turning out superior to everybody else is important to them. Consequently, they can never celebrate anyone’s success because it would mean someone else won this time.
  • They are pros at keeping grudges since they take every criticism and disapproval very personally. If you insult them or criticize them, they will never forget it or get over it either. Most likely, they will take revenge either now or in the future.
  • They never own up to their faults. Blaming others is a defense mechanism they use almost immediately.
  • They lack empathy and take advantage of people by manipulating or bullying them.

 

What to do when there is a narcissist in your life?

Unfortunately, narcissism cannot be treated with a drug; there is no medication for it. However, being a personality trait or disorder, it can be treated with intensive specialized psychotherapy. But if he/she refuses to believe there is a problem and resists treatment, the most you can do is talk to a therapist about how you can make things work without him/her seeking therapy.

People who have narcissistic traits or personality are difficult to deal with and more so, to stay with. It is imperative that once you realize these symptoms in your loved ones, you sit down with them and show them some of the things that are happening in their lives and the reason behind it. If they acknowledge it, prepare them to see a therapist. If they don’t, you seek a therapist yourself to work out things at your end.

 

Reference

American Psychiatric Association. (2013). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (5th ed.). Arlington, VA: American Psychiatric Publishing.

flirting-style

Featured Post: Psychology Today on Flirting Styles

Flirting defines as “to act as if one is sexually attracted to another person, usually in a playful manner“. Flirting is a behavior that both men and women can use freely to show interest in someone they are sexually, physically, or emotionally attracted to. People also often flirt just for fun, or for boosting confidence. 

Different people have different ways of expressing interest toward someone. If you’re trying to find the right person for you but it looks like nobody worth your attention is interested in you, look more closely. Maybe someone is flirting with you without you even realizing that. This happens often to people, as they sometimes find it a little difficult to recognize if someone is flirting with them, especially if that someone has a different flirting style than them. Als, check out the article: “10 Signs She’s Flirting With You”; it might help you recognize when someone is expressing interest towards you.

Renee Garfinkel Ph.D. wrote a nice article about styles of flirting on Psychology Today. She says that the way people flirt falls roughly into one of 5 categories:

1. Traditional Flirt

This style of flirting involves traditional roles of men and women – men are supposed to make the first move while women should be feminine and playing “hard to get”.

2. Playful Flirt

Remember when we said that some people are flirting just for fun? These people fall into this category.

3. Physical Flirting

This flirting style often sends the message of sexual attraction toward the other person. Spontaneous touches and putting an accent on attractive parts of the body are characteristics of this style.

4. Polite Flirting

Polite flirting is the least obvious style. It involves nonsexual behaviors and proper manners as tools for expressing romantic interest toward another person.

5. Sincere Flirting

People in this category tend to express sincere interest in the person they like, in order to create an emotional connection. These people will genuinely ask about other person’s favorite book or movie or about their hobbies.

Read the full article on flirting here: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/time-out/201011/whats-your-flirting-style

 

How do you feel about flirting? Do you use any of the 5 styles of flirting mentioned in the article? We’d love to hear your thoughts! Leave your comments below.

 

 

How Can I Help My Child Who Is Afflicted With ADHD?

Does your child always seem to be running around? Is he/she easily distracted by the least of sounds? Does he/she find it difficult to focus on anything?

Have you classified these symptoms as a result of your child merely being naughty or playful? Think again.

Kids are naughty, definitely. However, there are several ailments, which may come across as the child being naughty but are actually a form of disorder classified by the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (5th ed.). One of these ailments is ADHD.

What is ADHD?

Attention deficit/ hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) refers to three major symptoms; inattention, hyperactivity, and impulsivity. These can be detected in the following behaviors:

Inattention

Does your child:

  • make careless mistakes in schoolwork?
  • find it difficult to sustain attention in tasks or play?
  • fail to finish chores, schoolwork etc.?
  • seem distractible even when you are talking to him/ her?
  • have difficulty organizing tasks?
  • avoid tasks that require sustained effort?
  • often lose things?
  • gets easily distracted by external stimuli?
  • Is your child often forgetful?
Hyperactivity and Impulsivity

Does your child:

  • frequently fidget with hands, feet, or squirms in their seat?
  • often leave his/her seat during the class?
  • often run or climb when it is inappropriate?
  • talk excessively?
  • have a hard time waiting for the question to be completed before he/she blurts out an answer?
  • have difficulty waiting his/her turn?
  • often interrupt during conversations?
  • Is your child often ‘on the go’?

If your child seems to have at least six or more of the symptoms in any one (or both) areas, he/she might be suffering from attention-deficit/ hyperactivity disorder.

How to treat ADHD?

Treatment for ADHD helps manage symptoms. The treatment modalities consist of medication or therapy. Often, a combination of both is best.

Both the diagnosis and medication are best left to the psychiatrist. If you suspect, your child may have ADHD, it’s best to see a professional right away. The disorder can be easily diagnosed from ages 4 and up.

Additionally, think about therapy for your child. It can be highly valuable for both of you. The therapist will help you understand the disorder, train and educate you regarding your behavior with the child and work with your child on several aspects (i.e., behavior therapy, social skills training etc.).

Further, certain diets and supplements are also seen to help with the treatment. The treating team will guide you regarding the same.

ADHD can be a distressing condition, both for the child as well as the parents. However, with timely and effective treatment, it can be brought under control. Following these tips with your child will go a long way in changing his behavior in the long-term.

How can I help my child afflicted with ADHD?

Apart from consulting professionals and starting the treatment at the outset once the diagnosis has been made, you can also do some concrete things to help your child.

  • Nature and Exercise. Your child needs to spend time in nature. Playing outside for at least 30 minutes is essential. Other recommended activities are dance, gymnastics, skating, and martial arts. Encourage team sports.
  • Regular sleep. Ensure there are a regular sleep and wake times for your child. Turn off all electronics at least an hour prior to bed (i.e., phone, TV, computer, tablet). Also, limit physical activity a few hours before bedtime.
  • Nutrition. Schedule regular meals. Ensure your child has snacks every two to three hours. Include protein and carbohydrates in each meal. Check the levels of Zinc, Iron, and Magnesium. Boosting these would be of help. Add Omega-3 fatty acids to your child’s diet (i.e., tuna, fortified eggs, milk products, salmon, sardines).
  • Behavior Therapy. Set specific goals for your child. Make a daily timetable and stick to it. Provide rewards for a behavior well done and consequence for when the child fails to meet a pre-decided goal. Use the rewards and consequences consistently to ensure the long-term changes in behavior.
  • Consistency. Follow a routine. Set a time and place for everything. Establish a predictable routine for bed, meals, study, and play.
  • Organization. Encourage the child to put things in the same place every day. That will reduce the chances of losing things.
  • Manage distractions. Limit noise, turn off the TV, and clear the workspace for your child to do homework.
  • Limit choices. Don’t overwhelm or over-stimulate the child with too many options. Offer choice, but fewer.
  • Clarity and specificity. Be clear and specific in conversation with your child. Use brief directions to direct them.

 

References:

American Psychiatric Association. (2013). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (5th ed.). Arlington, VA: American Psychiatric Publishing.

Barkley, R. A. (Ed.). (2014). Attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder: A handbook for diagnosis and treatment. New York: Guilford Publications.