negative beliefs

Negative Beliefs

Have you grown up with certain beliefs about the world? You know how life works, what is possible and what’s not, what you can expect and what you can only dream about. Hence, you think you have a clear picture of the reality, right? Well, think again. Maybe the world is not exactly how you look at it right now; maybe if you change your perspective, you’ll find out that what you believed as a definite truth is actually a lie. We lived our whole life with a certain set of rules and a certain set of beliefs. However, some of these beliefs are not helping us grow. Additionally, they are simply wrong. These are called Negative Beliefs, and they can stand in your way to be happy.

Psychology Tomorrow Magazine posted a great blog about Negative Beliefs. Read it here.

Snigdha Gharami gives some good examples of negative beliefs and how they are wrong. For instance, the idea of “never changing” in life is a false belief- some people have a habit of not accepting changes, but changes are actually good for us. Or, here is another example – some people believe admiring something (even something good) will create a lack of self-control. However, it is also false, because you cannot lose your value by admiring something good. There are other good examples in the article, so take a look; maybe you find yourself in it, and challenge some of your beliefs.

In the end, she wraps it all up well: “It is you who makes and breaks these patterns. Take a chance, live life your way because you only have one- this opportunity and this day will never come back.

Embrace change, take a chance and live big!

 

Happy Holidays!

 

women in media

5 Minutes Of What The Media Actually Does To A Woman

Have you ever thought about the impact that media has on the images of the world we have? More importantly, have you ever thought about how powerful media can be in shaping the images we have of ourselves? Ads are selling more than products; they are selling concepts, feelings, and images of success, love, sexuality. Media are setting certain norms in society. But how does it all affect women? How are women in media portrayed? And, above all, what message does media send this way? When you feel affected by the perfect photo shopped figures you see, it’s important to take action whether it’s starting a new fitness regime or getting a tummy tuck in Newport Beach, CA to help you kick start a change. Don’t simply dwell on the idea that these looks will never be attainable for you. It is also possible to train your brain into realising that there is no right or wrong type of figure, as long as you’re healthy and happy.

Jean Kilbourne in her famous talk says that today’s media has an extremely negative impact on women’s self-esteem. Women in media are ideal; they have a perfect figure, flawless face, beautiful hair and everything else that falls into the category of the ideal beauty. However, in reality, these beauty standards are impossible to reach. Moreover, girls from the very young age learn that they have to invest large amounts of time, money and efforts to fit into that category of ideal beauty. Otherwise, they lose their value and they will fail in life. But those standards are absurdly high, and almost inevitably set all women to failure.

Here is the video where Jean Kilbourne talks about this issue. What do you think?

holiday stress

How to Reduce Stress Over Christmas and Holidays

The holiday season…

Cold weather ✓

Snow ✓

2013 coming to an end ✓

Deadlines approaching ✓

More family time ✓

More commitments ✓

Season of giving ✓

…as you know, the list keeps running. Most of our lives encompass some of these things right now. In my practice, I’m finding that there’s an increased level of stress and anxiety in people’s lives. Why does holiday stress happen?

Holiday Season and Stress

Research from the American Heart Association (2004) contends that this time of year there’s an increase in emotional stress about the holidays. Having to interact with family we may, or may not want to associate with, feeling the pressure of having to absorb financial pressures such as purchasing gifts, traveling, and/or entertaining. Also around this time of year, people are more likely to indulge in foods and beverages they may not usually consume. Consequently, if it interrupts normal healthy patterns, feelings of guilt or regret creep in.

5 tips for avoiding holiday stress:

  • Pick and choose your holiday activities
  • Ask for help
  • Say no when necessary
  • Everything in moderation
  • Set realistic expectations for the season

Try to relax and lower your expectations from yourself and from your family. You may find yourself enjoying holidays more than you expected.

 

References

Kloner, R. (2004). The “Merry Christmas Coronary” and “Happy New Year Heart Attack” Phenomenon. American Heart Association. Retrieved from: http://circ.ahajournals.org/content/110/25/3744.short

 

Jennifer Lawrence and Social Anxiety

Making headlines today was the release that Jennifer Lawrence, from X-Men and more recently, the Hunger Games, suffered from Social Anxiety. Although our society is becoming more understanding of mental health issues, stigma still exists. When it comes to discussing mental health issues and getting treatment, there is still not enough openness regarding this topic. Using medicinal marijuana as a treatment for anxiety has historically been a taboo topic. In recent times people are becoming more outspoken and thankfully places like ilcbd.com are helping people overcome their conditions.

For a celebrity like Jennifer Lawrence, to publicly share her challenges is inspiring for us all. It helps to reduce stigma and increases awareness about mental well-being. At the moment there are many ways someone could choose to treat their anxiety, from therapy to CBD Oil. Many people who don’t suffer from anxiety often question why people go to therapy and question What are the benefits of using CBD because they don’t understand the effects of anxiety.

Social Anxiety and It’s Prevalence

According to Statistics Canada, social anxiety, is one of the most common anxiety disorders. Social anxiety is

“a disorder characterized by a fear of situations in which there is potential for embarrassment or humiliation in front of others. There are generally two subtypes of social phobia: one involves a fear of speaking in front of people, whether it be public speaking or simply talking with a person of authority; the other subtype involves more generalized anxiety and complex fears, such as eating in public or using public washrooms, and in these cases individuals may experience anxiety around anyone other than family”.

In Canada, anywhere between 8-13% of Canadian’s will be influenced by social anxiety. The disorder is more common in women than men. Also, there appears to be an environmental and familial link to the disorder.

Jennifer Lawrence’s story of facing her fear of social scrutiny head-on teaches us all one important thing. Facing the things that cause us anxiety is the best form of treatment. Hence, the best example is exposure therapy combined with Cognitive Behavioural Therapy.

If you’d like to inquire about social anxiety treatment in Mississauga or Bradford Ontario at Real Life Counselling, don’t hesitate to call us at 289-231-8479.

Reference

http://www.statcan.gc.ca/pub/82-619-m/2012004/sections/sectionb-eng.htm#a3

http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20756991,00.html

I’m excited. I’M excited. I’M EXCITED!

The year was 2005.

I was in my last year of my Bachelor’s program, meticulously spending hours checking my research data and putting the final touches on my thesis defense. Night after night, I found myself ruminating over having to present in front of my professors, not to mention mine in front of my peers. Ever since I could remember, public presentations, regardless of size or length, caused me grief. I mean, not your typical 11th hour jitters, but…blushing, shaking, nauseous stomach, cold sweats – you name it, I had it.

So, the day had come. I was to defend my thesis. Although most of the day felt like a blur, a few moments still stick with me. The first was feedback from one of my peers as we were standing in the halls practicing our scripts. I shared with my friends how nervous I was, feeling unable to control the physical and emotional reactions happening in my body. My friend, Susan*, turned to me and said, “…instead of telling yourself you’re nervous and scared, why don’t you say you’re excited!”. I listening, and thought to myself – “heck, I have nothing to lose!” So, minutes before my hour of fame, I said, “I’m excited”, “I’M excited”, “I’M EXCITED!”. I think after the 3rd excited, I was starting to feel it. The reaction kicked in! Then, before I knew it, I was done.

I think that’s the second part of my memories of my thesis. My accomplishment. I “felt the fear but did it anyway”. There’s no better feeling then working through a tough obstacle. Or, overcoming a fear.

I encourage you to feel inspired, to reach out for help if you need it, and to “feel the fear and do it anyway” (as Susan Jeffers would say).

 

Enthusiastically,

Ashley J. Kreze

mindfulness counselling toronto

Mindfulness Improves Self-Esteem

Mindfulness is the practice of being aware of your body, mind, and feelings in the present moment, thought to create a feeling of calm. Have you ever practiced Mindfulness? Do you remember to remind yourself daily of the present moment? If your answer is no, or rarely, well, you should; it’s good for you. Mindfulness helps in reducing symptoms of anxiety and depression. It helps you connect with yourself and be in the present moment, which makes you more relaxed and less worried. Additionally, research shows that mindfulness improves self-esteem and builds confidence.

How Mindfulness Improves Self-Esteem

The Institute of Coaching shared a great article about the impact of mindfulness on our confidence and self-esteem. Here is an interesting part of it:

“Mindfulness practice improves self-esteem.

Why would sitting and sensing the present moment improve our self-respect and self-value?

Here’s one way to think about it. Recall that a mindful brain state is one that doesn’t judge. It is simply open and accepting of the present moment. On the other hand, self-esteem is the conclusion one makes in the role of a judge of one’s status and role: “Am I enough? Have I accomplished enough?” It evolved as an essential biological force, ensuring our survival by keeping us ever-vigilant about whether we are meeting the standard set by our tribes, avoiding rejection and being an outcast.

Non-judgmental moments allow us to step off of the self-judging roller coaster, and experience, even for a few breaths, the natural brain-state of what I call “it’s all ok-ness”.

What a lovely place to sit and rest. You may want to become a regular visitor.”

 

Will you set time to practice mindfulness today?

 

Reference

Pepping, C.A, Donovan, A, and Davis, P.J. (2013) The positive effects of mindfulness on self-esteem. The Journal of Positive Psychology, 8(5), 376-386.

 

If you’d like to inquire about mindfulness or self-esteem enhancement in Mississauga at Real Life Counselling, don’t hesitate to call us at 289-231-8479.

introvert

Are You an Introvert?

If you find yourself tired after being in social situations for extended periods of time, you might be an introvert. It is the type of personality that gets drained by social encounters. Rather, they find energy in solitude, opposed to extroverts, who feel energized by getting into social situations and avoid being alone.

Many misconstrue shyness with introversion, which can go together but don’t have to.  Yes, introverts can be shy people who find it hard to socialize, but many introverts are getting into social situations easily; they just prefer not to.

Unfortunately, today’s society is designed for extroverts, which we can see in almost every system throughout our lives, from schools to workplaces. Almost the whole system discourages introverts to behave in their natural way. Further, society is demanding socialness and talkativeness all the time. It became a norm if you want to succeed in modern days. However, it’s not all that pessimistic as it can sound at first.

Being an Introvert Is Your Power

According to author Susan Cain, introverts are deep thinkers who contributed most of the great ideas to this world. Thus, encouraging introverts by accepting them as they are is crucial if we want to continue having revolutionary ideas and great decisions in our society.

Can you relate to this video?

There’s something special about finding quiet, alone time. Letting go of all the demands, noise, and expectations we place on ourselves, and society expects, is something totally OK to do. Finally, it’s something necessary from time to time.

Take the next 10 minutes and enjoy the solitude.