Is There A Narcissist In Your Life?

 

‘He is a narcissist. He can only think about himself all the time.’

 

Narcissism has grown into becoming a commonly thrown across word these days. But what does it mean and who is a narcissist? The word took its origin in Greek mythology where a character named Narcissus fell in love with his own image that he saw reflected in a sea. Thereon, it has come to signify self-love, selfishness, and arrogance. However, narcissism has many shades from an extra healthy ego to a pathological grandiosity.

 

Who is a Narcissist?

The unhealthy end of the narcissistic spectrum can be characterized by-

  • A grandiose sense of self-importance
  • Preoccupations with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty or ideal love
  • A belief that he/she is special and unique and only other special or high-status people or associations can understand them
  • Requires excessive admiration
  • Has a sense of entitlement
  • Is interpersonally exploitative
  • Lacks empathy
  • If often envious of others or believes others are envious of him/her
  • Shows arrogant behaviors or attitudes

 

How to identify a narcissist in your life?

  • He/she would be the one basking in the center of attention. Narcissists dominate conversations. They love to talk about themselves and exaggerate their accomplishments. They embellish their stories in order to impress their audience.
  • Narcissists offer unsolicited advice all the time. They seize opportunities to demonstrate their superior knowledge.
  • He/she can’t wait in line and hates it when someone doesn’t pick up their phone. They believe they deserve special treatment and want their needs to be fulfilled immediately. They live life with a sense of entitlement and expect the world to revolve around them.
  • Narcissists have high ambitions. However, instead of working hard to get there, they believe they are destined for greatness. Narcissists believe they are naturally special and deserve only the best. They obsess over status symbols and belittle others who don’t quite fit in.
  • These persons are charming till the time you keep the praise and appreciation flowing. But as soon as you criticize them, the relationship is over.
  •  Narcissists are competitive. They need to win everywhere, be it in a video game, office or a lottery. Turning out superior to everybody else is important to them. Consequently, they can never celebrate anyone’s success because it would mean someone else won this time.
  • They are pros at keeping grudges since they take every criticism and disapproval very personally. If you insult them or criticize them, they will never forget it or get over it either. Most likely, they will take revenge either now or in the future.
  • They never own up to their faults. Blaming others is a defense mechanism they use almost immediately.
  • They lack empathy and take advantage of people by manipulating or bullying them.

 

What to do when there is a narcissist in your life?

Unfortunately, narcissism cannot be treated with a drug; there is no medication for it. However, being a personality trait or disorder, it can be treated with intensive specialized psychotherapy. But if he/she refuses to believe there is a problem and resists treatment, the most you can do is talk to a therapist about how you can make things work without him/her seeking therapy.

People who have narcissistic traits or personality are difficult to deal with and more so, to stay with. It is imperative that once you realize these symptoms in your loved ones, you sit down with them and show them some of the things that are happening in their lives and the reason behind it. If they acknowledge it, prepare them to see a therapist. If they don’t, you seek a therapist yourself to work out things at your end.

 

Reference

American Psychiatric Association. (2013). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (5th ed.). Arlington, VA: American Psychiatric Publishing.

My Thoughts On Reporter Kissed by Stranger On Camera at Squamish Music Festival

This past weekend was the Squamish Music Festival, where over 200,000 people join to celebrate summer, enjoy good music, and have fun with friends.

A female reporter from CBC News was doing a live report when a man came up behind her and kissed her on the cheek. Since then, she has filed a complaint with the RCMP sharing she was “rattled” by the unexpected behavior and felt like the man was interfering with her ability to do her job.

I have tried to put myself in the reporter’s shoes and think about both sides. I thought about the message that she sends with her actions. If she had left the incident alone and let the kiss slide, what message does it send compared to filing a complaint to speak her discontent?

My Thoughts About the Incident

Overall, I look at it from the perspective of women’s rights. Although there may not have been any “sexual intent” behind the kiss, if you let it slide, what message does it send? Does it let society know that it’s okay to touch women without their permission? By not expressing her discontent, I feel it sends the message “yes”.

What do you think? Do you think it’s part of the “risk” of doing her job?

Leave your comments below!

Reference:

http://globalnews.ca/news/2155284/complaint-filed-with-rcmp-after-cbc-reporter-kissed-by-stranger-on-camera-at-squamish-festival/

instagram real life counselling

Repost: Chasing the Cheat’a by Solomon E. Stretch

I was browsing through my Instagram feed tonight when I came across the profile of one of my colleagues in Atlanta, Georgia. One of his blog posts about self-love caught my eye, because many of the clients I’ve worked with have had similar issues.

Rather than trying to rephrase his posting, I’ll quote it for you. He says it best.

 

Chasing the Cheat’a

May 23, 2015

Solomon E. Stretch

I’ve been thinking about writing this post for a while now and I just hadn’t been inspired, until one of my beautiful friends posted this quote to her Instagram feed. “Don’t let the mixed signals fool you. Indecision is a decision”.

Why do we play the fool? Apparently, everybody does it.

Why do we choose to waste our time on people who don’t choose us?

Now that’s a question for you! Seriously?! I bet it’s a pride thing, something that Freud would say stems back to our dismissive caregivers. I’m sure there was something lacking that our parents OR our first love (boyfriend, girlfriend, crush, or someone we casually stalked and never caught a charge for) didn’t give us. But us being prideful humans are determined to make that void whole- even if it kills us.

3 C’s of Your Addiction:

Control: Trying to make someone love you

Compulsion: Having the need to do all the things you said you weren’t going to do. Yup, you compromised who you are

Consequence: hurt feelings, wasted time, and you just might look like an ass

http://www.solomonestretch.com/#!Chasing-the-Cheata/c19n4/5554aa330cf298b2d3b95e78

My Thoughts

Self-love is so important. Clearly understanding your values, what’s important to you, and being confident with your own boundaries will help you create healthy relationships in your life. Be patient with yourself. If you don’t have all these yet, slowly work towards improvement little by little. Surround yourself with a supportive and empowering circle of people. If you don’t have many of those around, consider professional help.

Give yourself some love. It’s one of the most important things you will do in your life.