Why Him? Why Her?
I like being around people who are in love. They have a contagious energy.
Helen Fisher wrote a nice article about how our personality influences our choices when it comes to romantic relationships. Among other interesting things, she says that “our primary personality type steers us toward specific romantic partners. That is to say, our biological nature whispers constantly within us to influence who we love”.
Here are some interesting parts of the article that explain different personality types in romantic relationships, and which personality types they gravitate to.
Personality Types in Romantic Relationships
- Explorers: it seems like traits of these individuals are associated with specific genes in the dopamine system – the propensity to seek novelty; the willingness to take risks; spontaneity; heightened energy; curiosity; creativity; optimism; enthusiasm; mental flexibility.
- Builders: individuals who inherited particular genes in the serotonin system tend to be calm, social, cautious but not fearful, persistent, loyal, fond of rules and facts and orderly. They are conventional, the guardians of tradition. Further, these men and women have fantastic skills in building social networks and managing people in family, business and social situations.
- Directors: although testosterone is often associated with males, both men and women are capable of expressing particularly strong activity in this neural system. Moreover, those who inherit this chemistry tend to be direct, decisive, focused, analytical, logical, tough-minded, exacting, emotionally contained and good at strategic thinking. They get to the point; many are bold and competitive. They excel at figuring out machines, mathematical formulas or other rule-based systems. Additionally, many are good at understanding the structure of music, too.
- Negotiators: traits linked with estrogen. Women and men with a great deal of estrogen activity tend to see the big picture. In other words, they think contextually and holistically, expressing what I call “web thinking”. These people are imaginative. They display superior verbal skills and excel at reading postures, gestures, facial expressions, and tones of voice. Also, their social skills are on top of the game. Lastly, they’re intuitive, sympathetic, nurturing, mentally flexible, agreeable, idealistic, altruistic and emotionally expressive.
Who’s Attracted to Whom?
- Explorers are attracted to other Explorers—people with many similar traits of temperament.
- Builders also gravitate to people like themselves, other Builders.
- Directors, however, gravitate to Negotiators. And Negotiators are drawn to Directors. These two personality types gravitate toward individuals with a complementary temperament. Moreover, these patterns occur whether one is a male or female. No wonder so many scientists and laypeople think that “opposites attract” while so many others believe “birds of a feather flock together.” Both patterns occur—depending on your primary personality type. I felt as if I had sneaked into Mother Nature’s kitchen and stumbled on her recipes for who we love.
Read the whole article here: https://www.psychotherapynetworker.org/magazine/article/481/why-him-why-her
If you’re in a search for the romantic partner that will be right for you, our article “Finding the Person for You” can help you on that journey. Check it out.