Countless couples complain about losing the spark in their relationship. There is no excitement anymore, butterflies are gone, and they’re just stuck in a rut that they don’t know how to get out from. Some of my clients are reporting they are becoming frustrated with their long-term partners, experience emotional distance, and problems in the bedroom. In situations like these, feeling of hopelessness, fear and boredom are completely normal. Not being able to answer where the spark has gone, why that happened, and will it ever come back is frustrating and confusing.
What is the SPARK and How to Keep It Alive?
First of all, to answer some of the above-mentioned questions, we need to define the SPARK.
“THE SPARK is the natural chemistry between two people creating desire, admiration, cooperation & respect. It’s maintained naturally between two people who resonate emotionally, mentally, physically & spiritually.”
Be careful though – the spark differs from lust in many ways. Simply put, lust gives you physical attraction and desire, but this is a just a small component of the spark.
But what to do when you find it hard to understand each other? What to do when you feel like you’re not emotionally compatible, and your bedroom is slowly dying? Well, fortunately, there is a solution. After numerous studies, scientists have found three main weapons that keep the spark alive and a long-term relationship successful.
1. Effective Communication
Talk to your partner! We all know that communication is a vital part of every relationship, but did you know that it also highly correlates with passion? Couples who find a way to communicate successfully and to understand each other without judging are more likely to sustain passion in their relationship. This happens because couples who have good strategies for communicating can openly discuss their sex life and their likes and dislikes in the bedroom, which leads to more freedom in exploring and fulfilling each other’s desires. If things have gone a bit flat in the bedroom, then you need to find a way of communicating that to your partner. This will enable you to discuss things that might help. For example, do you want your partner to leave you hanging? Or would you like to try some roleplay? Without effective communication, you cannot talk about experimenting more in the bedroom and regaining that spark.
Research has shown that mindfulness is highly connected to relationship intimacy. In other words, couples who are constantly mindful about their relationship experience greater sexual desire toward each other. Being mindful about the relationship means setting aside time to spend some quality time with your partner and trying to constantly pay attention to partner’s emotional needs. Try it for a while and see how the spark slowly shows up again between you two.
Make your friendship a priority. When the life gets in the way it’s easy to forget all the good things you love doing together. Engage in the activities you both enjoy, laugh together and have fun. Remember that you’re friends in the first place, so appreciate the honest friendship within your relationship.
Every relationship takes work. However, it doesn’t have to be a hard work; just willingness to improve yourself and then your relationship can do wonders. Remeber, oftentimes the spark is not lost; it’s just hidden behind all the hustle and bustle you’re facing every day. It takes just a little attention and it will shine again.