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"Wisdom comes from the experience of living. To travel the road of wisdom requires knowledge of ourselves and others…in love and hatred, in joy and sorrow, in victory and defeat. To experience life, and to know its truth, this is wisdom."

Today is a great plus a great news day!

Trista Hurley-Waxali, B.A. is joining our team as: News Co-Founder and Creative Writer. Trista has an uncanny ability to capture the reader’s attention in her writing, and relate psychological research to every day situations people go through. This allows readers to relate, gain practical, and evidence-based knowledge they perhaps, can apply to their real life.

Trista and I have known each other for almost two decades, and, after seeing the passion behind her work, I saw an opportunity for us to collaborate. With this collaboration, we can utilize our own, individual strengths, and work together towards common, meaningful goals.

Trista and I will be working together in our blog postings. Through the sharing of empiracle evidence, enlightening examples, and captivating stories, we invite you to, share and subscribe!

Frequently in my practice I have individuals share their struggles with making life decisions. These decisions revolve around: What to do next? To stay with my partner or to leave? To find a new career or put up with my current? etc.

There really isn't an easy answer to these questions. We will all encounter various transitions in our lives and some of the answers or paths to making these decisions will come easier than others.

Clients Ask: How can I make the transition during this decision making proces easier?

Here are a few tips to keep in mind: 

• I quote Mr. Miyagi from Karate Kid, "have balance, and focus"
• Write out your choices ...allowing you to empty your mind of emotion and use more logical reasoning when deciding
• And, trust your inner voice and stick to your decision. You'll feel confident you made the decision and stuck to the plan.

Dr. John Gottman and his team share some insight into how to make your relationship more successful:

"Our research shows that the more open you are to accepting influence from your partner, the stronger the positive perspective, mutual respect, and trust will be in your relationship. Having these components in your relationship helps you and your partner to face the world together with greater confidence that comes from being supported and feeling that you are a part of a team."

Mindful Listening and Mindful Conversing.

http://www.forbes.com/sites/toddessig/2012/04/30/google-teaches-employees-to-search-inside-yourself/

Communication at its finest.

Letting go of possessions, memories, or relationships can be a difficult task for most of us. Here is a good article on the benefits of letting go.

http://mnmlist.com/how-to-let-go-of-possessions/

"In our studies we found that couples who were divorced 6 years after their wedding turned toward each other only 33% of the time; the ones still together after six years had an 86% turning-toward rate." (The Science of Trust, Dr. John Gottman) The bottom line is that it is easy to get caught up in other things, but make an effort to turn towards one another and you're relationship will be all the better for it. K.Ramsburgh TGI staff.

"Going to someone for comfort is a Bid for Connection. Turning Towards is any form of communication both verbal and non-verbal which communicates that I hear you or see that you are making a Bid to Connect, and I am Turning Towards you to connect.

86% of the time that one person makes a Bid for Connection during the course of the study, their partner Turned Towards them.

Turning Towards overall during the course of the study."

What side of the brain do you think you use more?

Check out this website from McGraw Hill...remember to take the test to see what side of your brain is more dominant!

http://www.mcgrawhill.ca/college/feldmandinardo/blog/?p=676

Time to start the year off right with a plan of action. Call today 289-231-8479 to book your appointment and create your own life plan (forget the New Year's Resolutions!!)

http://holykaw.alltop.com/why-2012-is-your-year

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/brain-sense/201103/put-your-cell-phone-in-your-sock-drawer-part-ii

You are a busy professional. Summer is coming to an end. You feel the pressures, the last quarter goals of 2011 are at the forefront of your mind. The new school year is close, and the nervous tension that comes with these pressures can hit a family and business hard. Not only do you have your usual duties, but kids can also feel the anxieties of starting a new year, which can impact your business and personal life.

While the causes can be something other than work stress, here are the most common symptoms and early signs of stress:

• Apathy
• Anger/irritability
• Negativism/cynicism
• Low morale
• Boredom
• Anxiety
• Frustration
• Fatigue
• Alienation
• Physical symptoms
• Absenteeism 

4 Tips For You To Deal With Stress:

1. Delete, delegate, deposit. Take 5-10 minutes at the beginning of your day to clear your desk , workspace, or living space. Doing so might help alleviate the sense of losing control that comes from having too much clutter. Keep your goals S.M.A.R.T. (specific, measureable, attainable, realistic, tangible) helps maintain focus and control in your life.

2. Talk it out. Sometimes the best opportunity to reduce stress is to simply share your thoughts with someone, either someone close to you, or a trained therapist to help you work through the changes. The act of talking it out, and seeking professional support and empathy from someone trusted can be an excellent way of increasing positivity in our lives.

3. Laugh or allow yourself to smile. Finding humour in life helps us when we start to take things too seriously. Share a joke or funny story.

4. Change the situation: remember the 4 A’s

            a) avoid

            b) alter

            c) adapt

            d) accept.

If you remember the 4 A’s when it comes to stress, it might help you work through it.

Staying positive in this modern life is an important act for us all to practice. Coping with stress isn’t easy, but with a little effort you will be back on the road to emotional wellness and well-being!

References

Hansen, R. S. (n.d.). Managing Job Stress: 10 Strategies for Coping and Thriving at Work. Retrieved from http://www.quintcareers.com/managing_job_stress.html ;

Meyer,P. J. (2011). LMI Canada Inc: Personal Leadership, “Living with Purpose”. Retrieved from http://www.lmicanada.ca/TL_Personal_Leadership.aspx

Ah yes. The birds are chirping, tulips are growing, and days are getting longer. We are officially in the season of Spring, and with all these changes taking place I'm sure you feel the urge to clean up your relationships. Before you get the broom and sweep people off to the side, first recognize what is at hand... Relationships with people (e.g., family, love, friends, business, etc.). We are social beings and at the end of the day the people in our lives provide us with happiness, satisfaction, and positivity. Try and identify what makes you uncomfortable now, and where you want to improve it.

Does your best friend put you down in front of other people? Does your partner reinforce your bad habits? You feel crummy after talking to that family member...but guilty if you don't? You are incredibly bored, tired, and want out of your relationship? Do people put too many demands on you, making you feel like you must have all the answers and solutions in the world?

It's understandable, we can all relate to some type of relationship like this in our lives.

1. Air out the bad news and differences.
• Listen, communicate, and accept without judgment. When we take the time to effectively listen to someone and the concerns they are having they feel we genuinely care, and are interested in what they have to say. By doing so, negative feelings will be less likely to be present and both parties will be heard. Remember to communicate with out interrupting, and use "I" statements.
  
  
2. Open up and breathe in the winds of change.
• It's easy to judge, or even to take those people in your life for granted. This Spring, try adjusting your sails and chart new waters with your relationships. Experiment with new ways of listening (i.e., put the cell phone away and listen attentively to words and body language). Open up to trying something new - remember that embracing minor discomforts makes you a stronger person. 
  
  
3. Provide the necessary components for growth.
• As the trees bloom leaves, flowers stretch out of the garden, and the grass grows greener, you need to recognize that it takes two to tango and take personal responsibility for what you can do to enhance your relationship.
  

Whether you decide to embark on one or all of the above, I am confident you will be happy you did. Relationships need attentive care and attention - just like growing a garden. Here are two good questions to consider before doing too much 'sweeping': How is this relationship valuable to me? And what am I willing to do to retain its worth?

What is Fear?

False. Expectations. Appearing. Real.

YOU MUST ACT TO OVERCOME FEAR

One of the greatest surprises you’ll experience is when you discover that you can do what you were afraid you couldn’t do.

Your obstacles will melt away if, instead of cowering before them, you make up your mind to walk boldly through them.

Do the thing you fear and fear disappears. Confront your fears; list them, get to know them and only then will you be able to put them aside and move ahead.  When you face the things that scare you, you open the door to freedom.

The only thing you have to fear, is fear itself.

Studies have shown that being surrounded by nature improves our wellbeing. If it's not feasible to have a planter in your office, consider one of these as some desktop green.

http://on.mash.to/dFxBX8

Horticultural therapy improves cognitive, social, phsyical, emotional, and spiritual wellbeing. http://www.chta.ca/

Okay, we all know people who walk around saying the glass is half empty. The doom and gloom type, those who find it difficult to find a glimpse of sunshine in their day. Life happens, and life is hard, trust me, I understand. But imagine the power of switching those inner thoughts and feelings around to something that puts a smile on your face.

Stop for a minute.

In this very moment, as you read these words, what are you thinking about?

Put that thought aside and focus on your lips. Keep your mouth closed, lips relaxed, and breath consistent. Now, think of a time, place, person, smell, taste, sound, thought that has brought joy to your life. Focus on that thought. As you concenrate further on this memory stretch your mouth into a smile. Make it a bigger smile.

How do you feel?

Increasing our positive emotions little by little isn't always an easy and natural experience. In fact, it can be quite difficult at times. But, there are countless things you can start incorporating in your life to improve your state of mind.

1. Watch a funny movie and laugh
2. Write down 5 good things that happened to you today
3. Engage in an activity or hobby that brings you joy
4. Have fun and talk with friends
5. Read an inspiring book
6. Play board games instead of watching television
7. Start practicing meditation
8. Doing random acts of kindness
9. Count your blessings
10. Exercise

Do what you can today to start experiencing more positive emotions. Even a mediocre increase can be helpful in the long-run.

The Psychology of Change

When change is announced, the results can be significant, which means you should seek to manage the cognitive and behavioral changes from the very beginning.

Initial concerns: The threat to deep systems.

Initial reactions: Negative or positive?

The Kübler-Ross grief cycle: The emotional cycle on given bad news.

Shock stage: Initial paralysis at hearing the bad news.

Denial stage: Trying to avoid the inevitable.

Anger stage: Frustrated outpouring of bottled-up emotion.

Bargaining stage: Seeking in vain for a way out.

Depression stage: Final realization of the inevitable.

Testing stage: Seeking realistic solutions.

Acceptance stage: Finally finding the way forward.

The positive change cycle: Even good news has its ups and downs.

Resistance to change: When people push back against the change.

Rationale for resistance: What people tell themselves.

The resistance zoo: The animals and their styles of resistance.

Signs of resistance: Spotting subtle signals of dissent.

How to cause resistance: There are many ways!

Strong and weak commitment: After an agreement, commitment may vary.

In managing the initial announcement, the key is to do just that: manage it. Rather than just announce is, first think about the effects that it will have and stage the communication in a way to have the impact and effect that you desire, rather than resulting in a mess that turns what at first seemed to be an easy change into what more resembles open warfare.

Reference:

http://changingminds.org/disciplines/change_management/psychology_change/psychology_change.htm

Throw Away the Checklist

1. Check
   
2. Check
3. Check
4. ...
   
5. ...
   
6. ...
   

We all have a picture of what our ideal mate will be like. Tall, dark, and handsome; creative, sensitive, and smart — these qualities often become part of a mental checklist we use, consciously or not, on every new man we date. We create an idea of what we want and assume that it's only a matter of time before he comes along, right? Wrong! Having a checklist for love may actually prevent you from finding it. Even though it seems like a smart way to find what you're looking for, that mental list can cause you to miss opportunities that are right in front of you. So resist the temptation to put more energy into your expectations and open yourself up to the possibilities life presents you instead. Rather than focusing on external qualities, such as appearance, hobbies, or professional success, think about internal characteristics. Ultimately what makes for a happy couple is two people who want the same things. Finding happiness in a shared life boils down to having common values, not that he likes to mountain climb, is 6'2", and comes from a good family! All that is just the icing on the cake. The cake itself may be someone you never expected.

Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP)

"is a controversial [1] approach to psychotherapy and organizational change based on "a model of interpersonal communication chiefly concerned with the relationship between successful patterns of behaviour and the subjective experiences (esp. patterns of thought) underlying them" and "a system of alternative therapy based on this which seeks to educate people in self-awareness and effective communication, and to change their patterns of mental and emotional behaviour".[2]

http://books.google.ca/books?id=oahwVEXfmNwC&dq=sensory+acuity&source=gbs_navlinks_s

Chapter 1 - Introduction

Chapter 2 - History and Map of NLP

Chapter 3 - Goal setting and outcomes

Chapter 4 - Understanding other people

Chapter 5 - Viewing things from alternative perspectives

Chapter 6 - Changing the pictures, sounds, and feelings of how we think

Chapter 7 - Change management

Chapter 8 - The language of NLP
Chapter 9 - Presenting information

Chapter 10 - Motivating and influencing others

Chapter 11 - Performance excellence

Chapter 12 - NLP prinicples in practice

1. Brainstorm ahead of time specific sitautions or scenarios that bring about the most anxiety during the holidays. Finances? Pressures for perfect get-togethers? Underlying tensions with certain familiy members? Come up with 2 ideas on how you can alieviate some of the worries ahead of time - knowing ahead of time some solutions to your problems will ease some of your anxieties.
2. Perfect at pleasing? It's not always necessary to make the holidays 'perfect.' Try letting go and remembering why the holidays are important - not necessarily for the presents and the presentation, but more for the company of those important in our lives.
3. Ask for help! This is the season for all to enjoy, thererfore, it's okay to ask for help. By delegating some of the responsibilities others will feel like they're apart of the process, and when there's team work involved, the team members feel needed and important.
4. Be happy. As simple as it sounds, live for the present. Be happy with what you have, and what's around you. Step back, look around you, and smile. Sharing your smile will light up the room and give others a sense of positivitiy.
   

Happy Holidays!

Spivey, C. (2010). Desperation or Desire? The Role of Risk Aversion in Marriage. Economic Inquiry, 48(2), 499-516.

• "Finding an ‘‘acceptable’’ mate is easier than finding the ‘‘perfect’’ mate, and the risk averse searcher may be willing to accept one of the first options that comes along because waiting for a potentially better option is not worth the uncertainty" (p.501).

• "For example, if both spouses work and one faces an unemployment spell, one income remains to support the couple in the interim. The shorter the time to marriage, the sooner the risk averse individual can insure themselves against exogenous income shocks. However, the higher the quality (a function of income) of a potential spouse, the greater the insurance provided against exogenous income shocks" (p. 502).

• "Risk aversion should also have some bearing on whom an individual marries, not only when they marry" (p. 511).

• "Wilke et al. (2006) find that women’s perceived riskiness of activities in various domains (ethics, investment, gambling, and health) is negatively correlated with the attractiveness of men

  participating in those activities" (p. 513).

• "Extremely intelligent and successful women may have a harder time finding partners because ‘‘men want somebody intelligent enough so that they can recognize the man’s brilliance, but not

  necessarily enough to challenge them—or so smart that they find someone else more interesting’’ (Klein 2006, 60). This could be related to why very risk averse men in the current

  study marry women with lower quality compared to more risk-loving men, who may be willing to take a chance with the intelligent women" (p. 513).
  

• "...Search theory predicts that the more risk averse will marry the more risk averse at an earlier age, while the risk lovers will be more likely to marry each other later in life" (p. 514).